It was March 22, 2020 and I had a plane trip I thought about cancelling. I was planning on seeing my older brother and sister in Florida, but the coronavirus pandemic terrified me. I was not scared of the virus itself but rather that a restriction could pass that would trap me in Florida by banning domestic flight while on my trip. My mom and other family members called me, some going as far as to say “I was stupid” for going. I told myself that I was not like the spring breaker in the news that said, “If I get corona, I get corona, but it won’t stop me from partying.” I just wanted to visit my siblings and catch up. When I went to the Detroit airport, it almost looked like a warehouse for all the space and stuff within it and the lack of people. I got on a plane with at most 20 people and flew over to the Jacksonville airport where my brother, sister, and her husband picked me up.
This was the first time I had stepped inside their house, and also the first time I saw their puppy. It was barely over two pounds and I was confused. Soon after I stepped into her home, I immediately asked how old the puppy was. She told me she was nearly half a year old and I knew she was too small for this size. I continued and asked how she was so small. My sister, Jenny, told me that the dogs at my parent’s house I saw growing up were obese and she was breaking the cycle by feeding her dog right. I just thought to myself about how the dogs at my parent’s house were too fat, but this dog was too small. We stopped with our strange conversation about how big a dog ought to be and started playing to watch a serial killer documentary on Netflix called “Don’t F**k with Cats.” Not the warmest welcoming activity I thought but I decided to watch it all. Around four hours had passed, it was a terrifying documentary and, as much as the story pulled me in, I was glad when it was over. I started talking to my brother, Matt, about what he had been working on. He recently became an independent computer science developer and told me that he had plans to make animation software and sell it to a company. This was radically different than what he told me when I had called him not that long ago. He told me he was working on video game design back then. I wondered if what he was telling me had changed because of my sister’s presence. She had a way of influencing him and maybe his projects had changed as a result of what she had said to him over the past week. I realized I had spent quite a bit of time wondering about why my brothers plans or changed or how my sister’s puppy was so small and realized that there is really nothing to do here. All the restaurants and beaches were closed in our area so there were no activities outside of the home to partake in. Even if there were, the coronavirus incentivized us to stay inside. I found myself playing animal crossing and watching weird documentaries on Netflix that my siblings suggested. Doing my online classwork alone helped me skip out on some of the stranger documentaries they suggested. I was not going to watch a documentary about “The Tiger King” when all I was told about it was that it was a crazy guy who illegally kept a bunch of tigers.
That was only day one when I had those experiences, and this was a five-day trip. The next day was much more pleasant, and we made frozen pizza and played complicated German board games. I felt more at home and talked to my siblings about fun small talk like what shows they were watching, hobbies, etc. We visited each other’s animal crossing towns, exchanged secrets and tips about the game. Overall, the mood was very light that day. What I learned is that when I do not feel occupied, I start to hyper focus on things. It was no fault of my siblings that on the third day I was bored. I did much of my schoolwork and indoor activities and all the places Jenny wanted to take me for fun were closed due to the pandemic. My mind drifted back to Jenny’s puppy. I let her outside and saw her eating beetles. I had never seen a dog do this before and asked by sister about it. She told me that Pomeranians used to be ratter dogs and that is why her dog does this. I was confused because our parents had two Pomeranians and they never did this. Later that day, I heard Jenny say that she forgot to feed the puppy today. The word “today” hid me hard when I was in this mood where I had nothing better to focus on. Does she only feed her dog once a day? I thought this to myself and put it all together. The dog is eating beetles in the yard because Jenny is not giving her enough food because Jenny hates how our parents overfed their dogs and overcompensated. I paused as I was thought about this and realized I had been overthinking things. I thought about bluntly telling my sister she needs to feed her dog more but refrained. Day four came, the usual boredom ensued but this day I decided to revisit an old conversation I had with Matt. I asked him about his plans once more and how they had changed so drastically. He avoided the question by just pointing out how his current plan would be successful. I was bothered by the fact that he would not answer me. I thought about telling him my theory that a lot of his plans changed because of Jenny’s suggestions but thought that would offend him, so I did not say anything.
On the final day my sister started talking about our parents and some things they would do she deemed wrong. I mostly ignored what she was talking about because it all just made me think about her overreaction to how they fed dogs. The last day I again thought about how the little things I saw over my trip made me realize that I do not like the things I have learned about my siblings during this trip. I did not like the shows and movies they watch, I did not like how my sister was so “anti” what my parents do that she would improperly care for a living creature, and I did not like how my brothers projects and attitudes had abruptly changed. I thought long and hard about if I should bring these things up to them but felt pressured to make our last day together pleasant. So, I chose not to say anything and gave them a “pleasant goodbye.” I flew back to Detroit with even less people on board the plane and could not stop thinking about what I did not say. I usually call Matt often, but a little over a week passed and he called me instead. We talked about video games like Starcraft and Warcraft and other nonserious things. Near the end of the conversation though, I finally decided to bring up what was bothering me. I told him how I would call him all the time for about two years and every time he would tell me he would work on videogame design after leaving his job to work independently. Then, I told him that soon after moving in with Jenny in Florida, these plans had changed. He denied her involvement and essentially said that the act of “getting serious about his plans” was what caused this change. He accused me of caring because I really wanted him to focus on video games rather than animation tools. I told him I did not care and that at least I do not let people who do not know how to feed their dog dictate my work life. I hung up and was incredibly upset. I realized that if there was more to do on my Florida trip I would not have cared so much about these things. I do not think I was wrong to be upset, but rather that there are a lot of things people just let slide pass if their content. All the coronavirus restrictions kept me bored enough to feel the need to bring up the little things that bothered me, and I felt some relief after a while knowing I had let others know what was on my mind.
Anonymous || Jacksonville, Florida || March 22, 2020